Are you failing at your goals?

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”[i]

Does fear keep you from setting or achieving goals? Have you failed to reach goals you set for yourself? Did you overreach in making commitments? If these describe you, you are not alone. This article was written for you.

Fear of failure may keep us from setting and achieving our goals. Many of us set personal and professional goals but never achieve them. Over time, our goals may fizzle and we may forget all about them. Realizing you have fallen short is a good sign.  But let’s keep it real. We do not want to fail, or worse, not even try. All of us want to succeed and be the best version of ourselves.

Here is a list of four ideas, yes, a list, which will help you reach your full potential.

1. Handwrite Your Goals

Take out a notebook, a whiteboard or a piece of paper and pick out your favorite pin. Now, physically write down your goals.  Whether on a whiteboard or on a piece of paper and attached to the wall, our goals must be visible. Research suggests taking notes in the traditional way, with pen and paper, is still the most effective method for strengthening vision, sensory processing and memory.[ii]  Pro tip: Ensure you place your goals in a location you will look at least once a week, but once a day would even be better!

2. Be Honest With Yourself And Set Attainable Goals

Some of our goals may be to lose weight, pay off a credit card, take that nice family Disney vacation, or, a big one here: become a partner at the best defense firm. Whatever the goal might be, we need to first be honest with ourselves and ask: Is this something I am passionate about and for which I will make sacrifices? To achieve most goals, sacrifices are required. You may have to cut back on ordering the dessert, cut back on spending and work an extra shift, or say no when you really want to say yes.  When you are serious and honest about what you want, you need to have the discipline to make the sacrifices to get there. If you do not want to work hard and make sacrifices, then you are setting yourself up to fail. Another part of being honest about the sacrifices and discipline required is educating yourself. As an example, you may think fat free cheese is a healthier option, but have you done the research behind it? What about making partner at a law firm? Have you educated yourself on what the criteria are for making partner? Tyson & Mendes has Criteria for Partnership with a list of attributes and qualities to help you get there.  What about paying off debt or saving? You may have to re-create a budget plan. Who wants to discuss budgeting with their spouse or partner? Let’s face it, it is an awkward topic. Did you know there are only four times couples talk about money in a substantive way? Those are when they want to buy a house, think about having kids, one of them loses a job, and when one partner is thinking of retirement.[iii] Surrounding yourself with others who have similar goals allows you to gain traction. When you strategize about your goal, it will be much more transparent on how to get there. Pro tip: Surround yourself with someone with similar goals and talk about ways you each gain traction.

3. Set A Personal Deadline That Is Realistic

Goals without deadlines create vague, someday-dreams that are unlikely to become reality. A goal without a deadline is nothing more than a wish you hope someday happens. Setting a deadline forces action, which in turn speeds results. It also allows you to track your progress and can boost confidence. But you must also be adaptable. If your deadline came and went, reassess, don’t quit. While failure is temporary, quitting is permanent.  Determine what worked and what did not work.  This is a process of trial and error. Bottom line, setting deadlines keeps you on track. Pro tip: Create further accountability by having a like-minded friend or colleague available for consultation.

4. Visualize Achieving Your Goal

There is truth in the adage, “seeing is believing.” Whatever the goal you set for yourself, visualize reaching that goal. What does it look like? Close your eyes and picture yourself reaching your goal. Whether it is no more car payments, a vacation staring at your family’s smiling faces, or a dinner party celebrating your professional accomplishments, when you visualize the achievement, you create a vivid mental picture of your efforts. It is as though you are rehearsing for success that is inevitably coming. Pro tip: Visualize reaching your goal with a friend or family member and create the mental visual together.

Takeaways

Setting a goal can be scary. Scarier still is not having a goal to chase. This is not because you cannot achieve your goal, but because you care about not disappointing yourself, your loved ones or your colleagues. Goals can be scary when you care about the outcome but everything you want and deserve is on the other side of fear!

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Sources

[i] Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen, “Chicken Soup for the Soul” (Health Commc’ns, Inc. 1993).

[ii] Scientific American (2021) noted that students who handwrite notes tend to engage more meaningfully with content than those who type notes (para.1).

[iii] Money for Relationships, Financial Wellness (MasterClass 2023), at Episode 5: 2:30 https://www.masterclass.com/series/financial-wellness/episodes/money-for-relationships